new ranting outlet!

hey guys, thanks for reading this space!
I've got a livejournal account so I guess I'll be posting there more often now. Since not many know about this space, it'll still be kept private while the other one's like a public one. So yeah, this blog wont be as actively posted but it's not dead!

See y'all around :)
http://catcaper.livejournal.com

Wake Me Up Inside

I'm still awake! Omg luckily tmr's paper is in the afternoon.
Must start on Great Ex soon!!! Okay NOW.

Worn out and almost dead.

I don't know why I blog more frequently during this critical period where my nose should stay in my notes but well, here I am.

Literature is tmr, and I dread it like hell. Firstly, I haven't finished reading my year2 text and don't plan to. Will probably just read whatever notes I have and bank all my hopes on them for tmr. Hopefully I can even finish reading the notes, otherwise I can bid farewell to my H1, like Othello did to his occupation and honour.

Anyway thanks to all who've been here for me all this while, you all know who you are haha. Don't want to say who in case I miss out anyone but yeah ALL of you <3 To the special one who's always been there to comfort me when I'm beat from studying, to listen when I whine and to tolerate the rubbish I blabber when I'm feeling unstable, I love you and really appreciate you for this. Hope you're asleep now, and pls don't nag at me when you see this post, I'm just taking a break from reading the notes my tutors posted online. Want to end off with a picture tonight, realised this stupid space is devoid of pictures, I see alr also sian. Here's one with dearest Miffy :))


Good night!

The end is near.

Or rather, here.

Technically speaking, today's sunday 8th Nov, which means our long anticipated phy geog paper is TOMORROW!!!! :(
It all seems so quick and so.. sudden. Just awhile ago, we were all still fooling around and feeling contented with our mediocre prelim results. Now that the real thing is here, I feel awful. So unprepared, so much I could've done but didnt, so helpless now.

I have no idea why stress and the sense of urgency never gets to me till the very last moment, for example now. Just last week, I was still happily camping on fb and letting time slip past me and now, This.

Promise, I'm gonna make the best out of whatever time I have left now till my papers. Am not being emo or whining here, just penning down my feelings ok. Hopefully some intelligent being will love me enough to let a miracle happen to me this exams. Pray everyone else is doing better and hanging on there. All the best my dear friends. <3

Eighteen!!

Whoooooo I'm finally 18! It's not the age and whatever I'm legal to do that matters, it's really my friends and loved ones, and whatever they've done to me. To everyone who sent their well wishes, thank you and to the dear dear dear people who celebrated my birthday yesterday, i love y'all! :)

It wasn't anything major and WOW but still, I felt loved and appreciated. I'm thankful for each and everyone of you and if possible, I'd love all of us to stay happy this way. Thanks for making the effort to prepare the food and everything, just spending time tgt makes me happy alr :)

Baby this is for you. Thank you for making my day really special although I'm sorry I was too full for the cake. I love your present and you for taking time off your rest to spend the night with me. You summed up the awesome day I had, with so much love. hee <3

Trouble's Brewing.

Everything's finally out, but seems like the outcome is undesirable as expected.
However much I've been dreading the tension going on in school, now that things are made clear, I don't feel anymuch better. Instead I feel the tension's gonna get worse.

Thank god I won't be in school tmr. Down with bad throat and blocked nose. Good luck, poor bird. Be brave! :) I really pray for everything to take another turn for the better. The drastic change is killing us all and till we find out what caused it and make things better, they'll stay this way. And it sucks.

Gonna see the doc tmr, hopefully the throat will get better and I'll be back in school on tues! Why do I even seem excited zzz. I'm not.

For someone really EXTRAordinary, pls keep your ugly nose buried in your books/notes whatever and quit poking it into others' affairs. Your EXTRA help is uncalled for and therefore unappreciated. Stop acting like you care when you don't. The only credit you get is making things worse. It all goes to you, hope you're happy now suckerrrrrrrr.

Screw this.

Do/Say whatever you want, whatever you like, whatever you're capable of. I'm too tired to care anymore, maybe I shouldn't even be wasting time on people who aren't even worth it.

Go ahead side with your favourite, since you two are on the same side. Yeah just go against me, see if I care. Maybe I do, but I'll learn not to. You're providing me awesome training anyway.

Fun during peak times

hello! been ages since I last updated this ghost blog. anyway blogger looks.. weird her when i'm typing my new post.

Had fun with bird today at fep, though we really weren't supposed to. Studied awhile though, right bird? ;) Okay bought some stuff, but still some presents unbought! Omg I AM SO BROKE. Sponsorship anyone?

Hope bird's studying now. But heck, I'm still online. Okay bye, will check my mail then go offline. Promise.

Bye :)

exam stress is getting to all our heads(& our hearts)

Thankfully for bird and all the rest, school's been bearable. For now I really hope Arica will lighten up and not give in to stress. Press on guys, I know we'll make it through! On my part, I'll do my part for my subjects and i'm really thankful for the help i've received, especially for maths. Just that...

I didn't know about someone's post till today. Like right before we'll be going for supper later. Having mixed feelings now la, ugh. Things seem to be my fault now. Well it probably is, considering my unreasonable and hard to please personality. Oh well. By the way, that post stings. I'm not forcing you to do anything, pls don't feel compelled to go such great lengths for me, I certainly cannot handle it.

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That aside, one of my pri school buddy has recently met some trouble with her family and life. Dropped her an email hoping to make her feel better though not expecting any reply since we've kinda lost contact. Surprisingly she did reply and I guess though she has made drastic changes in her appearance and character, but seems like deep down she's very much the same sweet, sincere girl. Would really love to catch up soon, hope you're feeling much better alr. Cheer up babe :)

The swine's got me! kidding.

Dear diary,
it's been ages since i last updated this space. Been really busy and this time it's true. "Lazy" does not exist in my life now. At least, it CANNOT cuz otherwise i'd be doomed. '

Running a mild fever today, kinda glad cuz it gives me the chance to stay home and let my hair down for these few precious hours before hectic school life attempts to kill me again tmr.

Today, I found out things about my own family which I never knew. My dad complains that no one at home cares about him. But according to my brother he has no right to complain cuz when my brother was young, he fell sick in the middle of the night and went to wake my dad. Shockingly, all my dad did was to send him back to his room to sleep. :O
i never knew sth like that ever happened.. dad, if this is true you're really at fault and this could be why your dear son holds the hatred in his heart so many years after the incident. i guess nothing much can really heal the hurt you've caused to your son who was then young and innocent, and looked up to you. Now if you ever asked me what you've done to deserve this, i'd disagree if you said it was a sin from your past life. because it is one commited in your present life, a wound in your son's heart that can probably never heal. It may seem like a trivial event to you, but you know, kids remember these for life. It's too late to make up for anything now, I hope if there is ever an afterlife, you'll learn from this mistake, and try your best to treat the people you love with much more genuine care. i still love you dad. pls dont let me down.

this blog is pathetic. kinda.

I realised I only have 75 posts in total! Since last year, damn. Thanks to me being buzy (and lazy).

Today's a happy day, met up with a dear friend Priscilla Siah XinYi. Love how I always feel comfortable around her and how genuinely natural she is (although she gets a little high at times). Had a great time shopping and dining tgt, I think we should do that more often! But probably only can after the major exam. Liberation awaits, yes!! :)

Met Eileen today too. She was flustered as usual cuz she had to rush off somewhere else and came just to pass me this cute notepad thingy with a note inside for me. So sweet right! Thanks babe you really never fail to make me smile. So cute! No wonder KL likes you, haha ;D

As for Arica, I really hope you get well soon. It's a pity you wont be in school tmr so we cant celebrate your birthday :( BUT...... we're going to your place to surprise you at midnight so I hope you wont be asleep though you should be resting la. Hope your parents wont be mad at us for turning up in the middle of the night too lol. Am kinda excited, see you tmr though you wont know. Stop worrying that we'll forget your birthday, silly. You're too impt for that to happen! :)

Love you all, plus the one who's watching Harry Potter with his boss now. <3

Double Trouble

Realised it's been ages since I last blogged. Been busy, or rather, lazy. Okay I think more of lazy.

BT2 is finally over but somehow I don't feel that relieved. I mean, why should I since I know very well that I didnt put in much effort therefore not deserving good results. Really need to buck up buck up buck up. Sorry donny cuz I think you'll probably be disappointed with my maths results too. You were awesome, I was just too lazy. Hopefully I'll screw BT2 up and itll serve as my wake-up call. Though I know for sure how sucky I'll feel. Why why why, even seeing everyone else around me mug their ass off I just can't be motivated.

And, arica and erica is giving me a headache! How,bird!!! Although A says she's gonna celebrate it with her family, she's bound to feel sad. I feel really bad just thinking about it. But then, E will be leaving for the states! If we don't go to her farewell cum birthdayI don't know if we'll ever see her again. She was such a nice classmate.. Really wish I could split myself and go for both. Anyway are the plans for friday night still on? Why are things so messed up.

Gonna go fetch my dad from the airport with dear donny later, a good opportunity to introduce them. The thought of letting my dad sleep at the airport while waiting for tmr's train is kinda bad so yeah donny so sweetly agreed to go fetch him yay :) oh and thanks jw for agreeing to lend us the car! You're never gonna read this, ever, but still I hope you and xl will be strong tgt after this time and i really hope things don't get too difficult for you! Whatever it is you'll always have donny and myself ok <3

New found idol!

this is a random post, i swear it's so random ppl will go "okay..." after they read it.

I think I've fallen in love with kewei! She's so pretty and she sings amazingly. Okay that's all I have on my mind for now. HAHA. :) :)

oh wait. someone announced on fb THRICE that he's attached to ________. Not sure why since he didnt get a single comment? Like okay okay I know you're attached to her alr. Probably thrice. Congrats! :)

you dont tug at my heart-strings no more.

6pm on a wednesday evening like this sees me bored and glued to the screen. Played some fb games to pass time (and unknowingly passed ALOT of time), read blogs, and listened to some old music in my shuffle. Ugh. Might wanna pop by queensway later to give somebody a surpirse. :)

Here comes the rants. I swear I totally have no idea what yc is up to. Just last week his texts to me were all about how he was avoiding me cuz he heard I'm attached and how he can't get over us. Then yesterday, wow I saw him with his gf holding hands smiling so sweetly. Wait a min, don't get it wrong I'm not jealous or anything. Just that he's been guilt-tripping me all this while!!! When I was stupidly thinking how bad I was for crashing his life and sincerely trying to help him in whatever way I can, he was merely.. bullshitting. Why.Am.I.So.Stupid. to even allow that zzz. Still say if I'm attached dont tell him he dont wanna know cuz he wont know how to cope with the news. WTH. Okay fine I honestly feel duped la duh, but no matter what I will still lend him my notes (ugh) - for the sake of aunty. YC, you should feel blessed and thankful for a mum who always has your interests at heart. And now that I've seen for myself that you're happier, I feel so much more relieved, no more feeling bad about you. Will never take your "cannot find joy and satisfaction in life" or "aimless, meaningless life" for real anymore. Lastly for goodness sakes, pls be fair to your girl and stop texting me awkward stuff, thankyou. Cherish her, cuz she seems like a really sweet girl, and is probably far more tolerant and patient than I am. I know you'll never read this, but pls pls find some time to get notes from me okay. You're the one who needs help yet also the one who's always not free. This afternoon tell me cannot meet cuz "i'll be spending time with my girl". Yeah yeah quit your fruitless attempts to make me jealous alr, it'll never work. Didn't work before, won't ever work. And aren't you tired?

I wonder if we can ever really be friends. Before you got attached (idk when you did anyway) you said you couldnt see me as merely a friend cuz of your many reasons. Now that you're attached, you're treating me kinda cold. Is there sth wrong?

Okay dedicated one whole paragraph to yc (though not exactly a dedication).
Didn't hit the books at all today, feeling a little.... unaccomplished. But it's quite a common feeling in me these days anyway. Will do sth about it, maybe tmr. BT2 in one week plus damn.

p/s. thanks for helping me and my friends with maths baby. felt so proud of you when my friends all seem so impressed. ily.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master. Yeah right.

This one and a half year has seen friends leaving, pursuing their education in a foreign land. The friendships fostered, the joy laughter and fun we shared. First xiong, now erica and maybe at the end of the year anthony and arica. Just when our friendship becomes stronger and we just started to know each other better. Sheesh. Hopefully arica won't go la, cuz for her case it's not that good a thing. For the rest, much as I miss you all, I sincerely wish you guys all the best and pls pls cherish your opportunity and make the best of it.

Honestly, I'd like to study at an overseas university too if I had the money and the brains. Sadly I don't, so I'll have to make do with the local education system and continue working hard to get... some where. So bless all you who are leaving. I'm truly happy for every one of you and hope that you will all go far and become extremely successful people. :) :)

On a lighter note, my name did NOT appear on the stupid 'DIY for U' list so.. I DONT HAVE TO DO THOSE TIMED ASSIGNMENTS!!!!! :D :D haha.

Okay but I still need to study so not much to be happy about la huh.

not in the mood for a title.

Screw this.
If only I knew how to design a damned website then we wouldn't have to have that entirely stupid and unnecessary argument.

back for/from a break!

Gosh, realised it's been ages since I last blogged. Must not let my blog die! :(

Anyway I'm finally online after quite awhile to take a break from studies. zzz. BT2 is just around the corner. Really really really near. Catherine, it's a sign you need to start studying! real hard. But then again, it's only GP before the june vacation this coming Friday and... what's there to study for GP? If my language is bad, it's bad. Unless I become like yc(only his godly gp skills plz) overnight. Whoo, would love that manz. When that time comes I'll have to worry no more about that paper I always have no confidence for.

Today's our 5th month tgt and I was happy to get a sweet text from someone early this morning. :) Really, I can't express how thankful I am for you and everything you've done. Tiny little gestures have shown your love and care. Guess that's no wonder why I love you so much huh. Lol. Okayokay shan't get too mushy here.

On a side note, I really miss aunty so much. Can't wait to meet her for lunch sometime soon. Pris if you read this, tell me when you'll be free!! I'll have more time from the end of 1st week of June onwards. Miss you loads too k so let's meet up sometime soon. :) Oh and dear Eileen has agreed to go study tgt during the hols but then again I don't know if she's gonna keep her word again this time. Haven't seen her in ages, hope we haven't drifted apart! <3

Happy? Or-Not.

My dear boy has gotten a job I'm sure he's happy with, and yes duh obviously I feel happy for him too. Afterall he's finally gotten into sth he likes and at the same time can earn his keep. Am really proud of him that he breezed past the interviews.

However there's this really selfish part of me that feels... idk, sad? Okay probably cuz we won't be able to spend much time tgt. Working hours are weird, like 1pm to 9pm so well I'll be in school before that and have to be home after that on weekdays. His only off-day will be on tuesday. Asked why tuesday, and the answer made me really zzz. Cuz he arranged his other external tuitions on that day. At that time the selfish soul in me was a teeny bit jealous cuz tuition > cat. (!!!) But then again, a guy has to put his career above all (okay, most) things. So I guess he's not wrong to do so. Plus, school's gonna get busier for me so I should shut up and have no complaints. And bb's promised to meet me whenever he can so I guess that's a little assurance... right? You'll be in my heart when you're not by my side.

heh-heh.. :)

Catherine's a happy girl today cuz she's finally got her navel piercing done!! :D
Plus, stud has a sky blue swarovski crystal. heh. I know, people expect me to get pink.. BUT, I think I've got too many pink stuff so, yeah. Was deciding between royal blue and sky blue and decided sky blue was nicer, milder, more.. pleasant(since donny likes it too haha).

Thanks for accompaying me baby. I like and sincerely appreciate how you always make time for me to fetch me to places, to keep me company and care for my family. Thanks for the bed thingy you passed to me for my dad. Was really touched by your sweet gesture k!! :) And, I think the fortune teller might be telling the truth! ;) haha. Love you.

maybe i'm invisible?

Hate it that whenever I blog it seems to be about events like this. Where has the joy in my life escaped to? Whatever it is, I hope it returns really soon. I need you k pls.

I haven't got a clue what's wrong with Mum. Something horrible is transforming her into someone so cold, so heartless, so much that I barely know her anymore. When you catch her in a good mood, you must be in the best of luck. Otherwise you're a goner. Making her repeat her answer is like a taxing chore to her, and she'll express that irritation really explicitly with an annoyed snap which I feel is totally uncalled for. If she was in my shoes, she'd probably have given me a bad scolding or worse, a slap.

Just minutes ago, she came yelling at my dad cuz he wasn't clear why my phone bill was so high this month. She shoved the bill at him and insisted she wasn't cheating him of any money. Like, wth Mum, please! Whoever said you were cheating anyone? Why do you have to get so defensive and skeptical. Is all this nonsense even necessary?

And last night, when I was so damn worried about the tube going down through my dad's nose, she was so heartless and totally counldn't be bothered. When I asked her what happened? I hated her for her reply. She said, "how would I know? I didn't do anything to him hor." Foor goodness sake, no one's against you so stop being so bloody defensive. And no matter how much you hate him, he is your husband, the father of your kids. How is it possible for you to be so cruel and unfeeling?

I don't know who lies beside me in bed every night anymore. It used to be my mum - my kind, caring, fun-loving and compassionate mum. Whatever's possessed her now, you're a bitch. Get out of her and grant our family some peace.

whirls in my head.

I'm worried. Is there something wrong with Dad?

Overheard him on the phone with someone about poking some tube down his lungs. I'm very afraid. I have totally no idea what's wrong. I pray with all my heart that he's fine and healthy.

I love you, Dad.

when life is draining away..

Am feeling so so so extremely tired now I don't think I can stay alive for econs tuition later. What's more, I still have to work on our GP presentation for tmr when I get home after tuition. Think I might die before presentation anyway.

Feeling so temperamental today, guess it's largely due to the fatigue. Plus my dear maths tutor is giving me more reasons to dislike her. Went for consultation today and as usual when I told her I didn't understand complex numbers all she could come up with was some lousy reason that I haven't been to lessons. What The.... Hell. Yeah just go on with it, say I'm forever not at tutorial. Bet it makes your life way easier cuz you don't have to explain stuff. If that's the case why be a bloody teacher in the first place if you don't want to commit. You're a bane to students. Sucker.

Gonna work on GP, hope things get better. And I hope A is not pissed with me cuz of the stupidest reason that I'm pissed with the maths tutor. Even if it's for GP, I don't see why so chill. No point getting pissed at anyone, not like things are gonna get done that way.

To sum it all up, school sucks.
On a side note, thanks baby for sending me to school today, really appreciate it. :)

my heart's beating so fast i think it's gonna stop any time soon

I don't know what am I even doing here wasting the supposedly precious time I have to finish up my essay on Othello. Hate it, I know I sond bloody whiny and everything but I have no idea how to epress myself? Saying that I'm feeling stressed is so... like wth it's not even the major exams yet so who am I kidding. Everyone else is coping fairly well, so what's my stupid excuse?

Maths lessons have been unbearable. Never fail to make me feel even worse about whatever I know(or mostly don't know). Telling others how I feel doesn't help cuz I don't feel any better. Recently I've been awake every single lecture, every single tutorial, paying attention and trying my best. But heck, I haven't been feeling any better. Nothing seems to be going right now. I don't like having to smile everyday in school just so people won't keep asking what's wrong. Penting all my frustrations deep down, am really afraid one day I might just break down.

Catherine why are assignments so incredibly hard to complete? Why can't you just be more disciplined and know when it's time for work and not just sleep and relaxation, for goodness sake. Stop being angry at yourself, just wake up and get working on everything you know you have to. Damn it.

14 more minutes to.. the next lesson, i think it's h1 = lit = zzz. But I've been staying awake for all my lessons recetnly and I think that's quite a huge accomplishment. =)

Managed to complete AQ and handed it up today, felt sooooo good. Thanks Pris for your company though you were busy making cards and we were both just doing our own stuff. Was really touched by the message on your little card though the side wasn't exactly cut straight, the words had to be read at a certain angle and had to be turned upside down before they could be read, it's the content that matters la okay. (: Really, it's such a fortunate thing that we still keep our word and meet up once in awhile. Family, yes? Alright will make a tribute to you soon k when I have the time. And let's meet up to study soon again k, love the times spent tgt.

Lastly thanks bb for the chocs ytd, and for fetching me to and fro and keeping me company. I think you're the sweetest ever and I promise I'll cherish you. Miss you.

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Movie with the girls today was great. Caught "Knowing" and well as expected, the ending was kinda crappy. But well, what matters most is the company and the plot wasn't too bad la huh. :) Funniest thing was when bird and arica thought I was crying cuz the world was ending. Omg, no. I just felt that the part where the family rekindled was really touching.. yeah that's it. Not because it was the end of the world -.-

Anyway, we agreed not to skip another lecture. Right, bird? Promise ah we attend all the lectures in future k. Haha love you girls :)

My Wake-Up Call.

I really hate what I'm going through now.

Dad yelled at me for nothing last night when I was half asleep. Woke up tired and fuming, and almost sent him a hate text thanking him for my spoilt day. I'm glad I didn't.

Because right now my heart has softened all over again for him, and he has admitted he was angry with my brother and other stuff last night, not at me. Tears were forcefully held back till I heard it coming straight from him. He was considering a divorce, said he couldn't take it anymore. I know I saw this coming, I've said I'd rather they split than face so much unhappiness at home everyday. But to see it become a fact stings, so so much. My heart aches, and it really hurts. He said he'll hang on till after A'levels. Said he didn't want it to affect me. But bloody hell I'm already affected. I feel incredibly useless now as I type, knowing there's nothing I can do, and that my tears won't make any damned difference. All his hopes are pinned on me now. I hate the expectations, the pressure. I hate this all because my family is falling apart.

Every day during morning prayer in school I think of my family's situation and pray for it to improve. I feel so desparate but what, what in the world can I do? Damn this whole thing. And tmr's match against ny is gonna be shit. Thanks to my oh-so wonderful team mates who refuse to work hard for this.

Sometimes I really wonder what I've done to deserve this. Other times I'm thankful for the people and things I still have. For friends, for people who genuinely care, for donny. And above all, I know bitching won't get me anywhere; the only way out now is to work hard and strive for the best I can be. It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna try.

working on it...

Guess what, I'm late for school again today. Yes, Again. As Usual.
I hate it when it happens, and much as I don't like it, I can't help it. Okay wait I know I can't really say that cuz I actually can help it. I think I kinda chose to wake up late(to get more sleep, duh). So okay fine, the fault's mine. =S

This thing is getting so bad that I always wake up in the morning with the same "crap, I think I'm late for school again" thought and glance at the time on my phone, confirming what I was thinking. Ugh I want to be on time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay will sleep early tonight, promise.
Goal of the year: to sleep before.. 12(?) every night. Hope that's enough.

Didn't want to come to school alr actually since I was late, but the thought of training dragged me here. It's tiring just thinking about training though I know it's so not vigorous at all compared to other sports. A'Div is nearing and somehow I'm a little worried for my team, really hope they'll buck up.

Anyway it's been 3 months since christmas and I think I'm happy with how things are between us. I like the way we understand each other(okay more or less la huh) and are ultimately willing to give in. I like someone's singing too, haha. Although anniversaries this time round aren't all that eventful, I think the love is what's most important and I treasure all that I have now. <3>Oh and if you're wondering why I'm actually blogging at a time like this, it's cuz my first lesson of the day is.. Lit. And no way I'm going to class and get scolded for interrupting the lesson yada yada so I thought I might as well just come to the library to slack and yes, use the com. I feel happier this way too. =)

p/s. Happy 3rd, my dear♥

A Break, At Last.

Today's finally the last day of term 1! Thank goodness. We finally get to take a week's break before our next 2 H2 papers when school reopens. Actually I think we got scammed cuz we still have to return to school on Monday and Tuesday for lessons. So.... Omg yes I think we really got scammed!!! :(

Anyway today's been quite a nice day, being the last day of the term and all. Most importantly I met up with aunty and pris for lunch. Really miss aunty so much. Glad to see she's still so adorable and cheerful, and so sweet as always. Talked a little about my parents and the situation at home.. Guess that was the only sucky part. And everything else went well. Happy to have given aunty a hug before we headed our separate ways. :)

Sigh, I know it's wrong to have the thought of how nice it would be if she was my mum or if my mum was like her. But I really feel that way. Mum's getting so temperamental these days, even breathing a beat too fast would probably be enough for her to blow her top. I don't know what's wrong if you can't ever calm down and talk to me, Mum. Why don't you try controlling your anger and adopt more reasonable habits? It's not that difficult, all you have to do is try. I don't like coming back everyday to an empty home, totally devoid of the family warmth and love.

On a lighter note, everytime I see you I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have someone to genuinely want to care for me. Someone who never hesitates to show his love through little actions that never fail to make my day. I love you baby. Thanks for always being there for me.

The reason I like Econs tutorial.

We get to use the com lab!!! And that's why I'm here, duh. (:

Anyway today's a really big day for the previous batch of J2s and all who took their A'Levels last year. Best of luck to all of them, prayed for them and hopefully they'll come through elated with their awesome results. (: I really hope yc'll do well too. It's his second attempt and though he didn't exactly study the hardest, I have faith in him cuz he's a really smart boy. Also for dear bel who's been really really hardworking (seeing how hard she studies every morning in the car on the journey to school last year). You'll all do well so fret not. Can't wait to see bel later. Hope she'll be smiling. OR laughing. and nothing else. =)

K tutorial's ending so bye bye. Miss D, looking forward to seeing him tmr. <3

Totally Random

It's Econs tutorial in the com lab now, ending in 2 minutes.

Thoughts going thru my head right now:
1. Econs is boring.
2. Damn, I'm not paying attention!
3. I love you D.
4. I miss some ppl (pris, eileen, ...)
5. I hope yc's recovering well.

Okay lesson is ending, it's GP next (bloody 1.5 hours) and I've got no essay to hand up. ZZZ. K bye bye! Bell just rang.

Sick + Tired

Hello.

Been sick these few days and effectively went to school for 3 days, haha. Dear Mr Lian rang me up yesterday afternoon when I was at home and asked what happened. In the end he told me not to go to school but stay at home and rest till I get well, and that I could call him if I needed anything. So nice right! :) I really like my CT lol.

Anyway, in the com lab using com now. Supposed to be completing the GP assignment I owe my so called look alike!! zzz. Will do so soon. Like really soon. My friends all know how a stupid com can distract me from work. =/

Today is the day. D's finally completed reservist!! YAY. :D
Will get to see him later after training cuz he's coming to pick me up. So sweet, haha. It's been sucha long time since we met proper. Been missing lots of people lately.. Eileen, Bel, Pris, Ariel, Jiajie, Leckhui, June, and manymore. Hope you guys are getting on great and let's dig some time from our busy schedules and meet up k. Love y'all. <3

In the process of dreading school..

Wasn't feeling too well today and went to MP to see a doctor. Was really bored and lifeless, but the doctor was really nice, telling me to stduy hard, drink more water and all. First person who made me smile. :) Totally unlike the other doctors who always think I'm trying to fake an mc.

School's draining the life out of me. All the assignments are piling and piling non-stop(okay probably due to the fact that i'm so lazy it's just snowballing). And I'm losing my patience at the team. Like, hello people you want to achieve sth for A'Division you've really gotta buck up cuz the cruel truth is that your skills aren't all that fantastic. Had an informal talk with them yesterday about them not being serious at all and not having any discipline. Don't think they took it seriously though. Honestly, I didn't use to dislike training. Till now. Will probably give them another dressing down if they remain such lacklusters. Missing D doesn't make things any easier. =/

Friends are the only reason I'm going to school anymore. Okay, and maybe A levels too. Guess I really have to buck up. It's not like I'm the only one facing stress. I'm sure everyone does, and the difference is how each of us handles it. Good luck everyone, buck up pls especially us goats, heh.

You and I Both :)

Valentine's this year was really sweet :)

Went all the way to Tiong Bahru plaza to catch a movie cuz cinemas in town were filled to the max, like wth k cuz it's Valentine's. Caught "The Curious case Of Benjamin Button", was about 3 hours long!! Haha, curious movie it was indeed. I was wondering how long more it was gonna go on. Don't get me wrong the content of the movie was quite alright, just that it dragged slightly longer and my bottom was kinda aching after the show. I guess my company made the show really bearable though :)

Headed to Esplanade for dinner(or dessert) at Max Brenner's Chocoalte Bar. It was sooooo awesome I tell you!!! Loved the chocolate fondue we had. Yummy Yummy Yummy :d Maybe cuz it was chocolate, haha. Okay I admit, I'm a choc freak. =/ Sinful, but guess what I Don't care. =) Am deeply in love with chocolates and someone called D, and that's that!.

A casual outing like this really made my day already and I think it's the best Valentine's Day I've ever had. Well so what if it's just another ordinary day. To me, everyday's Valentine's as long as you spend it with the one you love. So yeah I'm really contented and thankful that I have you. :) Happy Valentine's Day to everyone though it came a little late. Plus it's also Friendship Week so I just wanna say, love you all dear friends. You awesome people know who you're okay ;)

Care Bear!

Bye Xiong, I miss you!!!

I know we all do.

Hope you like the gifts from everyone and the scrapbook. Gay pictures and all the other memories. All the best and I hope you're happy. :)

Hope to see you on MSN, though it's gonna be at really weird timings I think?

Thanks for the memories

Was blog hopping and ended up looking at our OG36 blog. That was so long ago, dating back to the start of 2008 which marked the beginning of our friendship. Realised how much we've drifted apart, some of us. And I agree, everyone's breaking up into their own cliques and classes. I have to admit to that too. It's quite a sad thing. =/ Here's Andrew's reaalllllly lenghty post about this:

Hey guys!!!hahaha its my very first time writing to this blog...haha well I was just wondering WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR BLOG??!!why is everyone disintergrating to their own clicks or class? hahaha we used to be such close friends!!!going out together having dinner or lunch together at the canteen...celebrating fellow OG mate's birthdays...our infamous tao pok!!cheering for one another during the A division tornament...haha really miss those times we had together...you guys were the reason why I love going to school,the reason why even getting up late would not stop me from going to school,being able to sit with you guys in the early morning and seeing you guys walk slopishly to school would just make my day.HAHA...you guys were the first group of friends I ever had that really stood for each other...who would organise outings together....who really just wanted your company just because of one simple reason, we are all FRIENDS... I even remembered telling my secondary school teacher about you guys and the things in which we do...they outings we had...the cheerings and the celebrations!all these are ubiquitous in which almost everyone knows that we are OG 36 if not ONE group of really good friends...HA! still cant forget the time when we put dry ice onto a bottle and covering it and waiting for it to burst!HAHAHA...even as I write this blog I cannot keep laughing to myself.The time when you all wore something really special just to watch my school concert really made my day (although we left half way) but ya it is these memories that will forever stay in our minds even after we leave SAJC.. I dunno about you guys but this is definalty the best group of friends I've made!the activities we host for one another, the support we give each other even when one of us is not doing well, the love that everyone shows, the trust that we give each other, the patience that we have for one another. These are all small little things that we do that really make us UNIQUE...NEVER in my life have i ever had friends that cheered for me during a soccer game, NEVER in my life have i ever had friends that would dress to their best to watch a band concert with me let alone just going to the concert with me, NEVER in my life have i ever had any of my friends scream at their top of their lungs for me when I ran just to cheer me on during my soccer trainings. All these really made me appreciate the 2 or 3 years that I will have in this school. Well as time goes by...we one by one disintegrate and start having our own lifes, as if all these memories does not mean anything to us...It is hard to maintain such close friendships for a long period of time and I know that school commitments and other such commitments has forced us into spending less time with one another.Well theres notting much I can do but to just try and relish these memories...these are memories that will forever stay with us till the day we are buried and hopefully we will one day look back and say that the best 2 or 3 years of our lifes were spent in SAJC because of the group of friends I had...OG36...."Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."- Artistotle.
ANDREW NG no 23 =)

Andrew your super sweet post brought some tears. But yes it's darn true. Friends for life k :)

Stay close, Don't go.

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Xiong who'll be leaving for Australia to study on monday.

You know, although we hardly talk in school I think you're an awesome friend. You're someone who doesn't get angry easliy no matter how we all tease you. Someone who doesn't put on airs just cuz he's rich. Someone who always make me smile when I look at him (don't ask why, idk too). Simple things like random "so late still online!" in MSN conversations show your care and concern, dude. These days in school feel different without you. There's just this sort of.. empty feeling. You really make a difference, dude.

When you're in Australia, please really study hard and stay happy! I really admire your optimism in everything Xiong. Keep that and stay cheery alright. And as your favourite A said, drink more water and eat more veggies! lol.

We love you dude. On a lighter note, you really do look like a bear! :)

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Woke up late today and rushed home for dinner with my dad. Felt quite bad about it, but I could see he was happy to see me back :)

Had dinner, only my dad and me. Then while he was watching some show on tv I brought out his small cake and sang him a birthday song. I must say I felt really glad when I saw him smile. Been ages since he last did that. Or maybe it's just been a long time since he smiled at home.

Felt quite bad for my dad though. I was the only one in the family who celebrated his birthday. And I think it's pathetic, much less how disppointed and neglected he must be feeling deep inside. Asked bro if he wanted to give my dad the cake tgt, and he said no. He said he just pretend he doesn't remember and told me to bring out the cake only after he's back in his room. I know, what the hell right. Sigh. And my mum's not even home. I don't know what's going on in my family. No one seems to be bothered about anything anymore.

Yc text me tonight, he asked if I could accompany him to shop for clothes tmr. =/
Turned him down cuz I have econs tuition. But I'm not sure if I'd have agreed if it wasn't for tuition. Maybe not. The things he say, I don't know how I can respond properly. He said he maybe one day he'll make me fall for him again. :O I replied No let's just be friends cuz I seriously think it's much better this way. :x

Finally, a little sigh of relief.

Today was the last H2 paper and gosh was it bad. But heck, all that matters is that it's over now. Finally!!! :D

Well I have nothing much to blog about seriously. Oh yeah, yc's mum told me to drop by on cny! :O I guess I will, I really miss them so much. And Pris SXY you'll better keep your word and go too!! But I swear, the minute things turn awkward I'm so gonna leave. Say I have another house to visit or sth. Feeling kinda jittery inside. Well then again, maybe it'll all turn out good. After all they've been awesome and deep down inside me I know somehow, I still treat them like family. So coincidentally, yc text me tonight to ask how I've been doing. Said he just came out of hospital. =/ Sometimes I really wish he'd be stronger cuz I think most of his illnesses and weakness come from within him. His lack of spirit and faith in himself. Be strong, yc. Even though we're just friends now, know that I still care alright. So quit saying no one cares, silly.

Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat. Need to lose weight eh seriously. Zzz no one should tempt me with chocolates anymore k. At least not for now. =/

I think I love the way things are now :)

Had pe today and gosh it was tiring!~
Happy I managed to run 1.2km w/o stopping, YAY! :D
Sprinted across the width of the field 5x, then did 30 crunches, 30(or 40 can't rmb) squats, 15 push-ups, and ended up dead tired. :) :)

Anyway, MSA's been really dreadful. Studied, or rather tried to study, but the outcome for every paper seems to be the same. Maybe an additionall few marks cuz I tried to study, heh. What's been done: Econs, Maths, Human Geog. They all have one thing in common - they managed to stump me. =/ What's gonna be done: Gp, Physical Geog, Lit. I don't know how these are gonna turn out. I think I should start studying for Physical Geog soon. But I always just think and end up not doing it so this time I really must! :) Hopefully hopefully hopefully I will.

Other than MSA and lousy training standards =/ , life's been great :) The people. the free time I have on my hands. The awesome friends.

Okay I think I'd better turn in soon. Sleeping at 5 yesterday morning made me kinda tired. Haha good night world. <3

Muscle Ache Day

I'm impressed with how much I actually exercised today!!! :D
(though not alot, haha.)

Went for training, did a little sprinting(yes really a little only) and went for a run at Simei ITE. The jog/run there almost killed me alr, really, but I'm glad I decided to tag along! Felt so refreshed and happy after running. Never did so in a long long long time. So... :B Well then again, maybe it was the company. Hehe. But hell, I'm definitely getting muscle aches tmr. Going out with chonglik tmr, he'll have to bear with me and walk super slow otherwise I'll just sit down and not move. Haha.

Life has been treating me well recently, and I can really say I'm happy now. Until school reopens. Can't wait to see my friends and hang out everyday again like we used to, but I'm seriously dreading the rumoured more than 8 exams we're gonna have. Teachers telling us it's gonna be hell for us didn't help much. Gotta start studying soon soon soon soon soon. Like tmr before going out. Okay I will(more like I must). Maths Day!!!

Sigh. But I don't like Maths.

I guess I really believe in Fate

The past week has been good. Spent with friends who never fail to lift my spirits, and one recently met guy who's been there like a guardian angel. :)

He's someone who's always there when I'm down, someone who gives constructive advice and comments about issues, someone whom I feel is matured and is able to give me a sense of security. I guess I like how he's so motivated to achieve his goals in life, and I'm truly impressed. Quite the opposite of yc, I'd say. And NO, defintely not a substitue / fall-back person after yc. Someone I really appreciate.

But somehow, I feel it isn't morally right to be feeling this way. I mean, it's only been 11 days after the break up!!! :( Then again, it's chance. Or fate. I feel different around Mr. D, so much more at ease, no pretence, no tension. Also, another huge issue is his age - mine plus TEN. Yes, woah I know. Not exactly an issue that bothers me, but rather my parents(if they ever find out, that is)? XY says age doesn't matter, and him and others are really supportive cuz they find Mr. D really nice. Well maybe it'll be a good move? Heh, we'll see how it all turns out ultimately. :)

Met up with Pris today, and didn't regret it one bit. Catched Bedtime Stories and yeah we loved it. Adam Sandler's really good, man. Gotta give it to him ;) Chatted about how our lives are right now, and I guess we're both pretty glad with the way things are at the moment? Let's be thankful k. Love you babe, pls tc!

The Breakup

Anyway I realised I didn't mention this in any posts but..... it's over between yc and me. Our relationship ended the day before Xmas Eve, all for the better.

And if he matures we can still be friends otherwise I guess that's the way he wants it to be. Take care yc.

new year, new beginning

2008's been an eventful year, full of ups and downs and many things else. I'm thankful for the great memories, and also for the not so great ones cuz I know there were lessons learnt from them. All in all I guess I can say, I've matured? Okay maybe not, I don't know.

I've been feeling happy recently, thanks to my friends and the special people around me :) Been feeling a little guilty, not being very sad over the breakup and instead getting over it really quickly. Doesn't seem right, but I guess that further shows that it wasn't going to work out if we stayed on. Been able to hang out freely with friends as often as I like and it feels awesome. Thanks for being there for me too guys you people are the best, seriously. :)

All the best to everyone out there this 2009, I hope everthing's gonna turn out well especially for poor us taking our A's. Let's do this k, I know we can. We're gonna pump our fighting spirits high, oh yeah.