My Wake-Up Call.

I really hate what I'm going through now.

Dad yelled at me for nothing last night when I was half asleep. Woke up tired and fuming, and almost sent him a hate text thanking him for my spoilt day. I'm glad I didn't.

Because right now my heart has softened all over again for him, and he has admitted he was angry with my brother and other stuff last night, not at me. Tears were forcefully held back till I heard it coming straight from him. He was considering a divorce, said he couldn't take it anymore. I know I saw this coming, I've said I'd rather they split than face so much unhappiness at home everyday. But to see it become a fact stings, so so much. My heart aches, and it really hurts. He said he'll hang on till after A'levels. Said he didn't want it to affect me. But bloody hell I'm already affected. I feel incredibly useless now as I type, knowing there's nothing I can do, and that my tears won't make any damned difference. All his hopes are pinned on me now. I hate the expectations, the pressure. I hate this all because my family is falling apart.

Every day during morning prayer in school I think of my family's situation and pray for it to improve. I feel so desparate but what, what in the world can I do? Damn this whole thing. And tmr's match against ny is gonna be shit. Thanks to my oh-so wonderful team mates who refuse to work hard for this.

Sometimes I really wonder what I've done to deserve this. Other times I'm thankful for the people and things I still have. For friends, for people who genuinely care, for donny. And above all, I know bitching won't get me anywhere; the only way out now is to work hard and strive for the best I can be. It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna try.