Are you for real?

When you say you understand, do you mean what you say? Then why is it that you agreed to give me time off to study and on the other hand keep saying things like "hey we haven't caught a movie in a long time," and "when i see my friends with their girlf i feel so empty cuz you're not here." Perhaps I read too much into things. To you these messages might show that you care and miss me. But to me, it's making me feel bad and guilty and sorry. I know I've been neglecting you but why won't you take the chance to chill, just hang out with your friends? I know I wouldn't mind that.

Tonight you tell me that I've neglected you, I admit and I'm sorry about that. But exams. Promotional exams. Didn't you say you would understand? So even though I made the effort to go all the way down to your house and skip a day of studying to surprise you on your birthday and on our 10th month anniversary, and sent you a silly postcard to show that I still care and remember you, all those didn't count? They didn't show that I care? Then I really don't know what counts. Did it matter how I felt deep down inside me when you said all these? You say you don't expect anything. If that's the case, why weren't those sufficient?

You say for people your age, girlfs are your everything. W/o them you don't wanna hang out with your friends cuz they brought theirs. W/o them you won't even turn up for gatherings/ Not even for your friend's birthday. I really seriously honestly don't see the logic in that. But fine, cuz I can never outtalk you anyway. I wish you'd understand, ppl my age, friends do matter alot and are really important to us. Whenever you ask questions like, "how important am I to you" and "am I of the first placing in your heart?" I really don't know what to say. You even go to the extent of asking "are your friends more important than me?" I think that's going overboard. Although I love you, I still want my own personal life, thank you. My world doesn't only revolve around you.

I'm sorry I know what I said sounded terribly mean. It might be a fit of anger, a release of my emotions. But somehow I mean it. Now you know why I need to have a private blog? Sorry, I still do love you.